Woman in the Trades

"How can I find out about x without calling attention to myself?"

"The other girl applying looks so much stronger than me.  I bet she gets in [the union] and I don't."

"What do I wear to this particular [union] interview?  I can't follow conventional wisdom of dress like the job you want, I know better than to wear a dress or skirt, but how do I look less feminine yet still professional?  A little jewelry or none?  Makeup?"

"Why does he ask me if I'm ok with getting my fingernails dirty when I already told him I'm aware that this work entails climbing, inclement weather, getting dirty, etc.?"

"Am I being too animated in my speech?"

"Why is every interviewer on this panel white and male?"

"Yay I did great on the aptitude test!  Maybe that will make up for me being a woman."

"I hope I can be friends with the other girl, if we both get in, and we can support each other."

"Why is being an electrician dependent on a penis?"

"Are these men people who will watch out for me on the job?"

Bikes Streetlights and Freedom

I grew up in the 70's with my mother and my little brother.  We lived in a "starter house" neighborhood, a ladder-type street configuration, where we roamed relatively freely during our summers.  We knew every house, every street, every yard, and pet.  We were to be home when the streetlights came on, and stay outside unless we had specific permission to go in someone's house.  We rode our bikes, played, skated, climbed trees, and made little trips to K&B, the local pharmacy/ convenience store to look at the candy, the school supplies, hair goop, barrettes, magazines, and all the mysterious other products there.  We drank Cokes, ate Oreos, got dirty, rode around in the car just loose, crawling around the floor of the back seat or reaching over the front seat to adjust the volume on the stereo...  How did we survive?!

Once my in-laws were over when my daughter picked up a plastic grocery bag to look at it, hear it, touch it, when my mother-in-law pointed and said urgently, "she has a plastic bag..." I had seen her pick it up and was totally fine with it because there were about six adults plus an eleven year old in the room who could have (I'm quite sure) wrestled the offending bag off her mouth and nose should that have been needed, but somehow according to her, I was being careless by letting her play with this plastic bag.  Yes it would have careless to give her a plastic bag to play with in her car seat or by herself somewhere.  Context.

That is not to say I am always seeing things clearly in context.  I err on my mother-in-law's side an awful lot.  I find myself today living in a starter-type house, in an ok neighborhood configured a bit like a ladder, and with an 11 year old who likes to ride his bike.  I don't let him roam like I was allowed to.  He wears a helmet when he rides his bike.  He isn't allowed to ride in the street (it's not even a through street).  He gets the occasional caffeine free root beer.  When I see one of my kids having a ton of fun jumping on a chair, I find myself immediately picturing him/her falling, and I have to fight the urge to tell them they have to stop because it's dangerous.

I think I'm doing the right thing when I am protecting them from getting hurt, but it's easy to carry it too far and wreck the magic children find in everything.  Sometimes I think my mom was right to let us have our freedom, even if it meant us getting harmed in some way.  I certainly appreciate the line she had to walk in giving us those freedoms.  As I contemplate the implications of letting my eleven year old roam the next street over (where I can't see him), I hope I can walk that line with some amount of grace.

Green Poverty

Recently, our five-member family took the plunge into official "poverty" with the millions of Americans who have been affected by this economic crisis.  We have always been earth-conscious citizens, parents, and workers.  We recycled, composted, reused stuff, and did not buy what's not needed.  With the money we saved staying away from all the chemicals in makeup, nail polish, hair goop, mainstream household cleansers, and the like, we bought organic dairy products, and organic food as much as made sense on our budget.  We did not go crazy buying organic sheets, pillows, clothes, etc, just the things we felt were absolutely necessary.  We had a certain hope that doing these things would improve the world not just for us and our kids, but for everyone in a global sense.

Yesterday, I received a Gaiam catalog.  I never ordered anything from them, but I'm sure they got our names from somewhere.  I looked through the catalog at all the picture perfect white women stepping onto organic woven bathmats, reclining carelessly onto organic sheets and pillows, and the spotless clutterless sunrooms with the latest yoga equipment lying around.  It seemed so far from my mind of what living a "green" life is. 

To me, it is making tough choices constantly.  Reading ingredients, asking where things come from, excluding certain companies (like Kraft!) from my grocery list, keeping a clean house, driving less, learning to garden, endless discussions with my children about why we do it this way, etc.  It isn't always easy, and I'm constantly finding contradictions in my actions, and accepting them or changing. 

Anyway, with our new financial circumstances, we are finding ourselves asking tough questions.  Should we drink/eat dairy with hormones and anti-biotics in it?  It would save money, but is our health worth it?  Why does anyone have to make these choices?  Hormone-free, anti-biotic-free dairy and meats is not yet considered a right but a privelege reserved for those who can afford it. It seems obvious that everyone in a nation as rich as the US should have access to uncontaminated/unmedicated food.  That's where this Green Movement has fallen very short.  It has been swallowed up as a "niche market" instead of sound science, good practice, common sense.

One day we'll see the light hopefully.  Til then, we'll cut where we can and wait for things to get better.

That moment

 As a mother, I always worry that while I may learn good things and good ways from other people and from books, there could be something missing inside me.  Some lack of real caring that will show through in a moment too quick to cover up my flaws.  Memories I have of totally uncaring reactions can sometimes add up in my mind and make me feel this way.  A moment too quick to plan for like a wreck or some disaster-  the instinct to save yourself overpowering the instinct to save another.

Anyway, I fell yesterday- OUCH.  I was holding my little one at the time.  So how did it go?  I was pleased to see that I caught myself on my elbow instead of my hand, thus protecting her from too bad of a fall.  She was scared, that's all.  My elbow still hurts pretty bad, but it's not serious.  But I'm still not convinced there isn't that uncaring bit inside me.  It could have been one of those situations where you're holding something and you just don't have a chance to think about letting it go in the moment.  Like my first waterskiing experience (probably shared by many): the boat pulls you and you shakily press your skiis into the water, start feeling freaked out, then you fall but forget to let go of the rope even though you were warned to let go of the rope if you fall...  So there you are, being dragged behind a boat half drowning because it doesn't occur to you to let go of the rope.  It's possible this was the case yesterday as my shoe got swallowed by the blanket on the stairs (don't ask) and I tried to stop the fall with my other foot which was also getting swallowed...  Bang.

Relationships on earth

It's enlightening to have brand new earthlings around who need explanations about relationships.  Children come into the world with a very simple view of love which I think us adults could stand to learn from.  I was shocked and horrified the other day when I saw the father of a 5 year old boy refuse a goodbye hug from him and explained, "Oop, not in front of your friends!"  The incident happened about 50 feet from the edge of a playground where there were kids playing.  This kind of "lesson" must be very confusing to a brand new earthling who loves his parents and his friends with an unchecked intensity we could only dream of. 

There are so many different customs on this Earth surrounding our relationships with one another that it's impossible to cover them all or know them all, but I would maintain that when it is one of these customs that love is up against, we should pick the way of love.  Customs change with time and place, but love is constant and primal.  To live without it is to starve spiritually, and to become desensitized to the beauty in others and in yourself.

So, welcome to Earth, Earthlings.  Keep loving, children, and come here for a fresh outlook on navigating your way through the pressures of your local "love rules" while keeping your soul intact!